I’m in such a reckless mood. How many times have a started a blog post with that? Gosh. I really put this down to my hormones. I got an overpriced Green Tea Latte from Starbucks because I’m angry and want to hate the world. Well not really hate the world, but do something to rebel against society; to me, this is buying Starbucks when I don’t really want it because 1. It’s a waste of money and 2. It makes me fat. Because these two things are bad, it makes me feel like a rebel. My parents were giving me dieting/weight-loss tips a couple of days ago due to the fact that I’ve put on the weight that I lost last semester. And do you know how I lost that weight? I stopped eating normally and skipped meals. Easy peasy. Mum was so proud when I’d lost that weight, not that I told her how I did it. I’m a size 10. I don’t consider this big, but when you compare that to my size 8 and size 6 sisters then I guess you can kind of see where my parents are coming from. Oh! AND the fact that both of my parents were tiny when they were my age, they really can’t see why or how I became to be SO HUGE. I also have the ball this weekend. I can’t be chubby in those photos or my aunty will notice and nag me for not losing the weight that I promised her I’d lose. Every time I go back to Malaysia I promise to lose an insane amount of weight, the first time it was 10kg, this time it was a more realistic 7kg so that my weight would be 55kg. To be quite honest I haven’t been 55kg since I was 12.
This is the same mood I was in when I dyed my hair in Ukraine. I feel like getting another piercing or a tattoo or something fucking stupid like that. Omg, if I were pregnant, and this mood in combination with the crazy hormones, I would actually be unbearable. OR ALTERNATIVELY I would do something crazy like ditch everything and jump on a plane to the Greek Islands halfway through my second trimester and spend the remainder of my pregnancy on a beautiful beach like the ones in Mamma Mia and after 4 months have a baby with a Grecian nationality. That’d be awesome. Omg. I hate the fact that my parents think I’m big. I almost want to gain lots of weight and stay at home and have no friends, just so that they realise that 1. I’m not too big and 2. That going out with friends is normal and healthy. ARRRGH! And the only way I feel like I can get rid of this feeling is by trying to satisfy myself with food. (Which is NOT HELPING THE WEIGHT LOSS or me trying to save coinage). Omg. Maybe I need to get laid. Maybe this is just a build up of latent sexual frustration from years of self-induced suppression caused by subtle hints from my Mum that’s it’s actually a BAD thing to like boys. I don’t know how my parents (MY MUM) think I’m supposed to find someone when all through high school she’s just kept saying how I should just be FRIENDS with guys. YES, I UNDERSTAND THIS WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU DON’T WANT ME HAVING A BOYFRIEND. Not only that, this lack of openly expressing affection has created an awkward culture where my sisters and I can barely discuss the appearance of males without feeling uncomfortable. Not only that but I try to ignore and crush any feelings that do arise because on some weird subconscious level I think it’s really abnormal to think about someone in that way.
So basically that was just a big bitch about my parents whom I still love and care for greatly.
Now to have dinner. And then vomit it up because I’m too fat and don’t deserve dinner… Just jokes.
OMG. I’m such a fucking complainer.