Second Draw Down

I can’t wait until exams are over… because then I will almost NEVER have to think about NCEA EVER AGAIN!!!

My mums on my back about getting better marks this year. Apparently she’s worrying more than I am and she’s also annoyed that I wasted “all my time” last year learning how to write with my left hand, a feat I still haven’t achieved. It’s not like I didn’t try hard last year and it’s not like I’m not upset about my marks… even though they were half way decent.

Last last year when I got my results I thought that perhaps it was because of my teacher’s slack marking due to favouritism that caused me to think that I didn’t have to try as hard or not change my style of whatever to actually achieve what I want. But my NCEA results from last year showed me that I’m actually not that smart… even though I totally understand what we learn in class. My best just isn’t good enough anymore.

I’m so sick of it. When I got my marks in January I was devastated… I’m not kidding, I could have cried Mum and Genie kept talking about Uni stuff. Mum was talking about what we’re taking in Uni and she basically has it planned out. I’m going to become a doctor. I don’t really care about what I do, I just REFUSE to do something that I’m not good at. So when I got my marks and my reaction to my marks made it obvious that I need a tutor which is something that my parents were thinking about last year. My parents don’t get NCEA AT ALL… so I coulda said that I got exactly what I wanted and got awesome marks and they wouldn’t have known any better.

They didn’t even look at my paper properly: my dad asked why there were only my english marks on my paper… Anyway. For a while I refused to talk about my marks. I think Lavanya was the first one to break me. Her worst mark was english in which she got two merits because she didn’t study for it. WOW. After the brief five minutes it took to scan my results and realised that I basically failed myself I put my the papers away and haven’t looked at them since. I can’t tell you what I got for anything (except french) but if I said merit I’d be right 70% of the time.

I’m contemplating about broadcasting my results on here but I can’t look at them/touch them. I’m afraid they’re going to burn my skin.

Well I really should look at them because I kinda want to know what I got for certain papers…

Ok, so this is what I got for just my externals:

Biology:
Genetics- M
Ecology- M
Animal Diversity- A
Plant Diversity- M
Cells- M

Chemistry:
Structure and Bonding- M
Organic- E
Thermo- M
Redox- E

English:
Extended- A
Short- M
Visual- A
Unfamiliar- M

French:
Listening- M
Reading- E
Writing- E

Maths:
Algebra- M
Graphs- M
Calc- M
Co-ordinate Geometry- M
Sequences- E
Trig- M

Physics:
Waves- M
Mechanics- A
Atoms- M
Electricity- M

I got a merit certificate obviously. Adding up all of my E credits, including my interal marks and I got a total of 46 excellence credits. It’s a kick in the guts when you only need 50 to get an excellence certificate. What would have been a kick in the balls was if I got 49 which I almost did. For one of the chemistry internals I got a merit because I did one small, stupid mistake that made me get that particular question wrong which made me get a merit instead of an excellence.

Anyway, you see that horrid merit grade standing next to my french excellences? Well that merit is worth 6 credits… I would have got my excellence certificate if I just got an excellence for that paper. I was worried that I might not get excellence for one of my french papers. I bet I know what it was as well… probably something to do with tenses which means that I can go from an excellence to a merit because I don’t have a word like “will” or “was”. I really won’t know whether I only just scraped a merit or just missed out on excellence until I get my papers back.

I don’t expect anyone to have read this through. I’m just really angry. I hate myself.