Second Draw Down

What does it mean to live like you’re dying?

In a sense it means to make the most of every moment, take every opportunity and appreciate what you have because you may not have the chance to do so in the future. It can also be interpreted to live as though life is going to end very shortly, which some may interpret as being the same, but I can assure you it’s not. To appreciate what you have and to live like your life is going to entails two very different lines of action.

I think it’s near impossible to live like you’re dying for pretty much everyone I know in this world is tied down to a family, job, school, work, uni… we all have responsibilities we can’t run away from. The largest hardship in the lives of most of the people I know is having to get up for classes, or pull an all-nighter to get an assignment done. Although very privileged to be able to gain a tertiary education, in a more general sense most of us aren’t happy with what we are doing.

I think this is partly to do with the fact that you can’t experience happiness without sadness, joy without pain. One cannot exist without the other. And the other is if you experience something too much you become desensitized to it. But the main factor I think is because we are all stuck doing things we don’t want to do.

If I had a year to live, I would gather money to fund my mayhem. I would spend my money on massive amounts of airplane tickets for myself and my friends and family, I’d want to share amazing experiences with them, doing new and exciting things, creating new memories. I’d spend thousands of dollars and dozens of hours getting sleeves done, I wouldn’t have to be afraid of what people thought of them or me, I’d be able to do what I wanted because my life wouldn’t need to be thought about in a permanent sense. I’d do volunteer work because I want to help people on a really basic level, something which I rarely do now. I’d want to talk and connect with everyone I meet, I love sharing experiences and I’d want to learn about life through the experiences of others. I’d build my time-lapse camera, cook and catch a fish, go tramping and all of those other things I’d said that I’d do because I wouldn’t any responsibilities from stopping me. I’d have a massive LIVE LIKE YOU’RE DYING PARTY in Litchenstein (which is a country that you can hire out for parties). I’d make sure to tell the people that I love that I loved and appreciated them. I’d want to wake up every morning and go for a run up Point View Drive.

To be honest, my list is really short and really shit because I can’t think of what I want to do. I’ve never been asked what I want to do. I’ve only been asked to reject or accept opportunities presented to me, but when it comes to opportunities I have made for myself I can’t think of any. Most of the time I’m on Facebook refreshing the home page hoping that something exciting will come up… and I hate it.

It’s really true:
“We’re adding years to our life, but not life to our years.”

I want to drop my law degree (I’ve never wanted to be a lawyer)… and get half-sleeves.

It’s 7.43am so it’s MOST OBVIOUSLYBREAKFAST TIME!!!

I’m currently sitting at my desk at work tossing up between eating and not eating breakfast.

Here is a list of factors:

Not eating:

• GOOD: Less energy to spend, less likely it’s going to be changed to fat.
• GOOD: Save money. I’m up to my last few dollars, I should probably save my money for buying a phone top-up, the 21st party tonight and other unimportant things like my trips.
• BAD: Potentially spending the rest of the morning an extra hungry and angry Help Desk Assistant.

Omg I feel like I’m going to vomit if I don’t eat soon… squeeeeeeeee. FUCK THE MONY I’M EATING. BUT WHAT DO I EAT?!?!? I’m limited to whatever I can find in Slurp and Munchie Mart. I think I have enough time to venture any further out of the building.

Oh gah, the thought of food right now is making me feel sick… MUESLI BAR IN MY BAG! SAVE ME FROM HUNGER! Stomach, why are you feeling sick?!

*gurlge*

I’m craving some warm noodle soup.

But at the same time it’s hurting my stomach to think about it.

There are many people I know at the moment who feel incredibly lost.

This may be this is because the majority of people I know are young people who are at that stage in their lives where they have to choose where it’s going. Not many people at our age can say that they have definite goals or plans after they graduate. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?” I hate this question because I have no idea. I also hate it because I don’t think you can assess someone’s character from the answer they give, although many believe that you can.

Some people feel like they’re on a path they never chose. Some feel like they’re heading nowhere and uni is just a general expectation that they have decided to conform to.

I can honestly say, most people don’t like what they do on a day-to-day basis. We dislike assignments, detest group work and ignore readings.

Though not a conformer to this thought but, what’s the point in complaining about something which you decided to do? Most of us have chosen to spend the 3-5 years in this institution in order to get a degree. Do we really have a right to complain about doing something which will enable us to get what we want? We can’t expect it to be a walk in the park. Of course it has to be challenging, or it wouldn’t be worth what it is.

To be honest, sometimes I feel like I’m still too young to be making my own big decisions, though not many have come my way.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t know enough about the world.

When I start thinking on a small scale, that’s when I start to become disengaged from my work at uni. When I forget that doing the readings will help me understand better or that doing an assignment will count to my overall grade is when I start get absorbed into my own petty problems.

Sometimes I think people see uni as a big joke. I enjoy learning, but that doesn’t mean that some papers don’t seem to teach us what they told us they would.

I feel like New Zealanders complain too much.

And so another academic year has started and here is the run down of my classes so far:

-Public Law with Bruce Harris: I initially found him really boring in Law 131 and the thought of him plus an 8 o clock start was almost enough to make me change to the 5pm stream. HOWEVER this morning he proved himself worthy of my attention by not being boring. I’m looking forward to delving into the unknown that is Public Law with this man leading the way.

-Contract Law with Alison Cleland: She is a tiny Scotswoman with one of the strongest Scottish accents I’ve heard, ever. The only Scottish personalities I know are Braveheart and comedians Billy Connelly and Danny Bhoy which just makes me think that she’s going to crack some sarcastic joke about one of her colleagues or run us down with a sword demanding freedom.

- Chinese 300 with Margaret Lee: SHE IS SO VAGUE! But that’s ok because we have Julie who is this cutesy Chinese post-grad and is super super nice. DAMN! I hate how I feel like I need to work really hard in Chinese. It’s going to be a big battle!

-Russian 100 with Mark Swift: That’s right I’m being taught Russian by an American. While this initially annoyed me greatly at first, I’ve found him to be a pretty decent guy. Although I feel like I can still hear his American accent when he speaks Russian, maybe it’s just my imagination. I don’t need to do the homework this week because it’s learning the Cyrillic Alphabet which I totes already know how to do, I’m such a cheater.

-Chinese 130 with Manying Ip: Omg, we have Manying Ip. GAAAAH! I’m not going to learn anything apart from senseless drivel from her. NOOOOOO.

OH SWEET JESUS ON A ROLLERSKATING BAGEL! I’m so annoyed!!! I feel like there is nothing to look forward to today except a repetition of the last couple of days at work here. I don’t have anything specific to do. But at least I’m being paid to sit at a computer all day. Ok. CALM THE FUCK DOWN, NOVIA!!!

There is some stuff I want to share

I’ve realised that the new sound of music over the last couple years really appeals to these ears.

The first couple years of uni has stolen from me the great loves of my previous life, those being television and music. For the longest time I used to listen to the band lovingly referred to in our household as MCR on repeat as well my declared second-favourite-band-of-all-time Fall Out Boy. And then there were bands such as The Strokes (who remind me of Genie) and The Arctic Monkeys (who remind me of Mona). I’m not going to try and hide the fact that I loved these bands like crazy, even if it was because I was a 16 year old girl of the type that are susceptible to falling hard for young men in skinny jeans. Admittedly my love and adoration has somewhat waned.

However, the power of music to bring down or uplift my spirits will never ever cease.

My recent favourites include songs which are unsurprisingly becoming increasingly popular on both mainstream radio and TV. Though many have said that upon first listening to the first big songs by Mumford and Sons and Florence + the Machine they didn’t know what to think of them, their power struck me quite forcefully and makes me feel like running around. These are two songs I could listen to on repeat. I think they are both simultaneously beautiful and brilliant, fast and slow. I personally think they should be played loudly.

Judge for yourself.

Little Lion Man

Dog Days Are Over

I’m hoping to rekindle my love for music and these two artists give me hope <3 fuck yea, I’m cheesy.