Second Draw Down

ARGH! I’m so bored. There was something else I was going to say because I mean, “I’m bored” is just so generic.

Things I did today: Wash, dry and re-bed the sheets, hand wash my scarfs, write out characters for Chinese, listen to a CD I haven’t listened to in years, play around with my make-up, play around with the straightener, take off my make-up, realise that buying that red lip-stick was a bad choice of colour, tidy the house, do my hair… that was in no particular order.

I should be doing my work for my exams but frankly I have just under TWO WEEKS to do it… That’s a LOT of time… which kinda means that I SHOULD be really prepared for it but just because you have so much time to do something doesn’t mean that you’ll do it right –> Asian studies essay.

I think my parents are annoyed by me.

I had a really interesting dream in which I wore my old Sommerville uniform… weird? Yes. I think I need a hair cut. Oh, another thing I have to add to that list of stuff I did: transfer money to Becca’s acc for SnOw TrIp! Yeah I’m not excited about that right now. It seems so far away.

I think that I’m a very instant-gratification-orientated person… well maybe just gratification-orientated person. I was watching this thing last night on happiness and people who are happy are working and involved with stuff, among other things. This is probably why I wasn’t happy today, because I wasn’t doing anything in particular. Hahahahaha… If only Lutonia read my blog.

Nessa just tweeted me that she will read this when she gets home but that won’t be until 4.30 because of the bloody traffic. I need Nessa’s phone number or I’m going to need to call her one day and I’ll call her old one and have weird people answering it. “Great, you’ve made me feel awkward.”

Going back to the gratification thing- this is probably why I’m overweight. Let me share with you, my one and only reader, my BMI. I am 156 cm and weigh 63.5kg (I checked this just now), this makes my BMI 26.1, which means I’m overweight. When I’m bored I eat… thankfully, there’s very small variety of things to snack on at home. Eating is just so good. Damn ME! I started losing weight at the beginning of the year when I went for runs or walks in the morning but then I went on camp with Brenda and Tom and went to the Mount with Lud and then I ate too much Kiwi Dip and I gained the weight back… 3 weeks of hard work, GONE in less than 2.

I’m feeling really weird right now. Spending time at home by myself isn’t too good for me. Someone remind me not to become a housewife, please.

Let me share another thing (Oh, when I’m bored, I like to talk about myself): I don’t want to get married… I don’t want kids and I don’t want to get married. Personally, I think that the love two people experience does not come from the NEED for love but that “love” is in fact a prevention/cure for lonliness which no one can live with. If lonliness lives with you, you are sure to die… soon. Omg… I was just about to write something REALLY inappropriate about being lonely and possible suicide. Not going to write it because THAT IS JUST TOO SAD. So the primary factor in life is lonliness and our brains create “love” to cure this… or out of fear of experiencing too much lonliness our brains create “love”. Ok. Enough of that. I’m feeling kind of lonely–> spending the day at home. Don’t come near me or I might “fall in love with you”.

I bet your thinking: but Novia, if you don’t get married you WILL be lonely. HA! No I won’t be, being married and being lonely are not each other’s complement in fact one can be married AND lonely and be unmarried AND unlonely… this shows that they are NOT complementary factors…  Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ahahahaha ahahahaha

Ok, so what have we learnt today? Novia is 1. fat 2. lonely 3. crazy. I’m planning on fixing all of these faults in the holidays… after French and Chinese… IN 11 DAYS XD

I think that those that achieve great things must first have achieved small things. These give them the momentum to achieve something bigger. Totally understand what Genie was saying when she said “What’s the point in trying hard when no matter how hard you try you are just going get the same thing anyway?” I said that we should always try our hardest because you don’t ever want to say that you could have done better if you had tried harder.

It’s just so much harder to try when you have tried really hard and then you get kicked in the balls. Ah. I have my Asian exam tomorrow and I just found out that I got 74% for my essay that I stressed over for 3 weeks. I can’t blame anyone. I thought I did it really well, so even with full effort and plenty of time I still didn’t get what I was aiming for. Now. I have to study for that exam. If I had’ve got my mark back earlier THAN THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAM I think I’d be more motivated to study. Right now I feel kind of useless.

Actually if I’d got a better mark I would feel more motivated.

I have two and a half days until my very first Uni exam. Law!… I’ve been going over Part E- The Treaty of Waitangi. yup

Don’t worry about the tips on procrastinating… I’m getting on really well but thanks for the help

Love your sarcasm. You needa get a different job or maybe some time for a hobby where you meet new people to break the monotony of a cafe worker… or ALTERNATIVELY you can start playing games with customers (or play games by yourself about the customers without them knowing). It’s all up to you really.

Movies. I honestly think you should go into some movie reviewing or SOMETHING because you are such a movie buff that it’s just plain RETARDED that you don’t! Go to Uni, get a degree and then become the world’s best movie reviewer. Two thumbs up.

MARK WATSON! OMG! Yeah, I know the one, Welsh, awesome. Becca might be going to see Danny Bhoy on Saturday too.

Aw! That’s stink. I think you should go to Chch anyway because you don’t NEED someone to drive you around do you? I mean, Jono can do it without a car… See what Becca’s doing during that time, she’ll probably be doing something/going somewhere you can hop along to. I think she said something about a ski trip.

You know, I was just thinking about how I hadn’t CONNECTED with you in ages… do you get what I mean… not just talking or anything that shallow but c-o-n-n-e-c-t-i-n-g. I feel better connected now. Never worry about being too long. The longer the better… hahahahahahahaha… NO NESSA STOP THINKING LIKE THAT!

Miss you too.

Lots of love

Novia

This is a major self-hating post. HOLY CRAP! I set myself a goal on Tuesday to do at 2hours of work per subject per day… because I NEED to GET FUCKING AMAZING GRADES to get into law next year and that only comes about when you’re anally retentive about studying… so I drew up this timetable where I can record how much work I do everyday.

SO! Tuesday I got like 2.5 hours of work done, then yesterday I did 5 hours of work (which sounds like a lot of work but is still 3 hours less than my quota) and today I only did 2 hours… I even had 3 hours of class… and I wagged Chinese. (But I’m kinda glad I did because I gotta hang with Sian and Lud in Starbucks!)

I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING RETARDED AND NOT STUDYING LIKE RIGHT NOW… but I feel disgusting and want to have a shower then go to bed… its only 6.55pm. I’ll be in bed by 7.30pm. I CAN’T COMPENSATE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!